Believe Me

So as I sit with my morning cup of coffee, I have been able to put my mindset focus back to my writing.

My long list of things to do are done. I stayed here for Thanksgiving, since I had just been home with my parents.

Danika had invited a bunch of friends over for the big turkey day.  Thanksgiving dinner meant something special to me this year.  I was thankful for family but especially, my Mom.

I went last week to Danikas’ Bible Study group and I was surprised to find myself liking the people I was surrounded by.  Ever since meeting Danika I have kind of learned that being an extrovert is a new way of life, I could get use to it.  Although introverted is how I have lived most of my life, extroverts are not as I had envisioned it isn’t arrogance as I had once believed.  It is a different perspective of your personality and how you release your thoughts externally or internal.

I always am thinking about writing, I have been for a long time.  So I have stories in my head not yet penned to paper.  Is that even a word, penned?  Yes, it is I checked.  Lol.

So as we go to Bible Study, of course I can’t stop thinking about the small amount of work still needing to be accomplished and my blog, well, much need for me to sit and write for days, if not weeks.

It’s a small group of people gathered with some tables set out and coffee and water out for others to help themselves. He is a young guy who leads us into prayer and we sit at the tables and have some introductions on who has come for their first time and how do the new people hear of the group.  This was easy for me, my name is Lily and Danika told me about this group.  Next.  We all gather around together and bow our heads to pray.  At this point in time, I feel childlike.  I am instantly reverted back in time as a young girl with my hand in Grandpa's at Church and when I we had to bow and pray I would sneak a look to see if Grandpa’s eyes were closed and then close my eyes, quickly. A refraction in time perhaps?  To a place where I felt safe by just being there.  So as I try to open one eye and look around, another girl has her head up and she sees me.  I start to shut my eyes quickly but I am caught.

She smiles at me, slowly bows her head and shuts her eyes.  Huh, thats how its done.


It’s almost like therapy group that you would see in a movie.  They ask for any prayer requests or if anyone wants to say anything?  Danika looks at me.  There are a few new people, including me.  They just asked me my name and how I heard about the Bible study.  That was easy enough.  Do I really need to say anything more?  So I say well my Mom is the reason I wanted to come.  I explained how I went home after some bad test results after her already battling cancer when I was very young.  I explained her test results came out well.  They began to say Praise God! Thank you, Lord!  I thought, yes, God, thank you!  It was strange.

I would have never said something aloud let alone with an entire group of individuals I had never met before.

As each person shared a good week or a bad moment in their week, we then shared scripture.  It happened to be about submission.  Submission to God.

I think I will be getting help from Danika on this subject as I think to myself.  It rang true, in it all I did submit, everything that happened those last few weeks, I had no control over.

The people I met were kind and funny.  Some struggled with school, some had a great week.  But I felt they genuinely cared about me, complete strangers!

Believe me?

Always,
.Lily

Getting Back into The Groove of Things

I was finally able to “catch up” on everything in my life!!  Including all my homework, reading and studying!! Taking two weeks off in the middle of a semester and then trying to finish all the work is exhausting.  I haven’t had much sleep, but it is all done, now.

I am so thankful my Mom is going to be ok.  I have never been more afraid as we waited for the test results.

Danika was able to let me know the status of the students I tutor, and she did a fantastic job!  Several of the students came up to me this past week and told me how wonderful she is; don’t I know it!!

My ebook has been delayed, dear readers.  I am so sorry.  I have had to make sure I put my priorities in order, and with my Mom needing me at home as well as the class work needing to be completed before the quarter is up, I just couldn’t do both.

Thank you for your patience, thank you for your concern with my family.  I appreciate all of you. I wanted to make sure you knew how much it meant for me to receive all of your uplifting and kind words of encouragement!! When you go through something traumatic, it just drains everything from your body and mind.  I am an active person.  I am the girl who looks at the glass of milk as half full! However, fear snuck into my mind many, many times!  I cried several times, just like a child, for those two weeks.  Just for a few days when I returned to campus, I had to sleep.  I always thought I understood when people said "they were emotionally drained" after a terrifying time in their lives... but it is entirely different when it is YOU going through all the emotions that come from a scare like this one.

Danika has been by my side staying up late with me.  Late nights with coffee are the best!  She has again invited me to her Bible Study group; I almost said "no thanks," but something told me I should go.

I was curious before, but after talking with Danika about everything that happened while I was home, she thought it would be a good idea to go to one of the meetings this week.  I have decided to listen to her wise words and go.

Wish Me Luck,

    .Lily

My Apologies

Wow, can I say how sorry I am dear readers?  Everything was going well!  I was ready to launch my very first ebook and be on my way to becoming a real writer... when I got the call.  It was my Dad telling me that one of my Mom’s tests from her doctor had returned with a not so good result and he needed me to come home.

You see my Mom had cancer, there I have said “IT.”  It was long ago, but we thought we were past all of this.  So when I got Dad’s call, I got to packing and getting my school work delayed for a few weeks while I went home for medical leave. I packed my bags and went back to the place of my childhood.  My mom was not happy that Dad had called me and that I had come home, but she did understand why he had.  Dad looked worried; he loves my Mom so much.  I hugged her like I never have before and we both sat and cried.

She had another test that Monday to go to and Dad and I went with her despite her complaints.  The doctor had many more tests to run and wouldn't know anything for a few weeks.  A few weeks?  How could you make anyone wait for a few weeks?  I told them I wasn’t leaving until we found out the results.  I wanted to be there for the both of them.  My Dad and Mom have been there for me always; now I was the adult, and they needed me to be there for them.   I had a difficult time being the adult, what I wanted to do was just curl up in a big ball on the couch and cry till I couldn’t cry anymore.  How could this be happening again?  The things your mind tells you during and under stress is unlimited.

I watched my father pace for days, then weeks.  I am making this post short, so after two horrifying weeks of worrying, crying and watching my Dad and Mom go through all of this, heartbreaking, the tests were done, and the doctor said they could not find anything wrong.  YEAH!
She has been told to come back in January for a check-up and to review and redo any tests, if necessary.

So again, I apologize to all my readers, I just couldn’t write.  I tried to write several times and then I would just begin to cry.  I tried to get as much of my school work done, as much as possible.  Moms, even if they may be sick, still believe homework is law, at least that is how it is in my house.
Danika helped me while I was gone and kept everything going including taking over my hours at the library for the ones who needed tutoring, that way they were still able to get the help they needed.  Thanks again, Danika!

I have a lot to catch up on and wanted to thank my readers for being so understanding.  I know you were wondering what happened.  I just, for once, didn’t know what to write.

To my Mom and Dad, I love the both of you so much!!

As Always,
.Lily

Final Draft

So, I finally got my final draft back, all corrected, from Mrs. Jacoby! I was able to see Tyrone one more time to get the graphics done, just right!

Writing a book is a lot of work and my ebook is much shorter than any novel I have ever read. I feel like this was a good test for me, although I don’t think I did so well with all the emotions that go along with such a hefty goal.

I was a little harsh last week with the students during tutoring last week in the library. I was becoming frustrated and I don’t usually get upset. I am sure I will have to keep my feelings more in check when taking on such a project as this.

I got to show Danika my book last night and I think she was more thrilled than even I am. I still have to add here, that if it wasn't for Danika, my book might not have ever been written.

Well, we will just have to see what the critics have to say. I mean it is my very first book. It is well written, if you ask me. I can’t wait! The launch is next month.

Wish me luck!!!

.Lily

Tutoring Again

So here I am once again in the library helping other students with their writing assignments. I am usually helping those with English Composition or Creative Writing, sometimes it is for another class.

As I had a few papers to finish up, I am noticing that my level of writing seems superior to the ones I am reading and correcting now. I have been writing since I was a little girl so maybe that’s why mine are so much better.

Some of these papers I have read look like a young kid wrote them. I am thinking to myself, I hope this guy passes this semester.

I remember back to the summer when I went with one of the guys to the Recreation Center and how he tutored young students. I feel like I am back there again.

I thought most people could write fairly well? Maybe I was wrong. Looks like I will be here for awhile and I have so much to do with my own workload and finishing my own book.

I can only help the students so much. Maybe if they took the time they needed instead of rushing through assignment and just writing anything down, they would see its importance and know what it is they are writing about.

I guess I will get to my book later tomorrow, it’s going to be a long night!

.Lily

Ugh...The Disappointment of the Day

I go into Creative Writing class, and I am in a Great Mood! I got the chance to work with Tyrone on graphics yesterday for my eBook, and my spirit has carried over into today! It was exciting to look at different ways we might go about choosing the graphics for my first eBook.

Mrs. Jacoby said she needed to speak with me after class, so I figured she must be done with editing. This is great! It’s all falling into place. Maybe editing a book wasn’t as bad as I expected it could be.

The bell rings and I can hardly wait to get to speak with Mrs. Jacoby, of course, today, other students have questions? No one ever has questions for Mrs. Jacoby? Finally, my turn! I can already see my eBook sitting on her desk… Red Marks are everywhere! How is this possible? I edit for a living! As I flip through the first few pages, I understand I have more work to do and possibly another rewrite for my future! She can tell from my expression this wasn’t what I expected; I am not sure what my face is saying, but I swallowed my heart and my pride! Mrs. Jacoby is trying to comfort me with words. I can only hear part of what she is saying “It’s fine. Only a few changes”….she says. “Thanks, Mrs. Jacoby, I do appreciate all your help!” is all I can manage to say before heading to my next class. I slip my eBook back into my bag.

Now I feel like the athlete guys when they lose a game. I was sure it was well written. Just like, I am sure, they were sure they had practiced enough. I will have to go over it tonight.

This will take longer than I thought.

.Lily

Editing and Graphic Design

I think I told you in an earlier post how I took Creative Writing this year. It was a wise decision! I just love my teacher Mrs. Jacoby. She reminds me a lot of my mother. I had written a short story when I was much younger and I wrote it on my blog several months ago. If you would like to read it, in case you missed it, it’s under blog post titled A Blast From My Past. Mr. Canezzle is his name and the main character in the short story. Anyways, my mom would always help me with my writings and “edit” my papers.

I was talking to Mrs. Jacoby at the end of the class and telling her how I was at the end of my book that I am writing and she said she would love to read it! Yes!! Of course she could read it, I would love that! I was thrilled even more when she offered to edit my book! I am really excited. Who better than an English teacher to edit my book!

As luck was obviously on my side today, I had the book with me and so I gave it to her. She said she would need a week or two to look it over and of course I said that was just fine. She had a lot of class work to go over for all her classes since it is the beginning of the new school year and I can absolutely understand that.

Then when I turn around to head over to the library...there is Tyrone, he has her class this period. Remember him from Danika’s get together? Remember the one where Danika and I actually introduced ourselves?

He must have overheard our conversation because he offered to help me with my graphics for my book!!! Of course, he is a graphics major. I did not know that!!

In one day I have found an editor and a graphics guy to help me with my book and it’s free!!!

Now I have to get over to the library to pick up my schedule for tutoring students who either take English Comp. or Creative Writing classes. It is on my way to the next class and if I don’t hurry I am going to be late!! I promised myself this year I would stick to my schedule. No more excuses for being late to class. I hate being late, don’t you?

A girl has to have a job to pay for all the extra stuff she needs!! It’s a perfect job for me to read other people’s work and you know how I love to read!!

Until next time!!

.Lily