Saturday, September 30, 2017

A Lifetime Dream Denied

I think I have said this before: my life goal is to be one of the greatest authors.

Ever since I was a very little girl, I could not wait to get into my mother's lap just so she could read a book to me.

Books changed my life!

I could travel to different worlds within the pages of a great book. My mind could easily fit into the characters. I was able to learn about so many different people. I could become any character I wanted to be.

I would spend hours daydreaming about how I was going to become the best author, ever.

Fantasy books are my favorite, by far.

My mother would tell me it was time for bed, but I always managed to get out my flashlight after she left, if only I could finish one more page.

I have come to realize that my desire to be a great author is still there.

Will my lifetime dream of being the greatest author, ever, be denied?


Saturday, September 23, 2017

Dream Journal

It's my mother. She is with me in the backyard. We are picking wild flowers. I am very young here, maybe four or five years old.

I can feel the sun upon my face as I gaze upwards towards the encompassing light.

I feel the flower stems twirling in my one hand. The other is held in my mother's hand.

It feels like spring, it must be spring. The aroma in the air makes me breathe deeply.

I can hear Dad calling us… it must be time for lunch.

I let go of Mom's hand and begin to run towards the back door.

I look back and yell to Mom, "Hurry Mom!" She says she is coming, but when I turn back around again, she is gone.


Saturday, September 16, 2017

One More Time

He is so easy to talk to. Genuinely, one of the good guys. He still has great compassion for the youth in our community, and he continues to mentor them.

Seems to me his life is going very well now. I can't help but be happy for him.

We had a great coffee date... well, that's how he put it, anyway. A date...
My first real date...

I told him I was sorry, but I had to leave. I had another doctor’s appointment. He said he would give me a call. I told him I would like that very much.

When leaving the doctor's office this time, she changed my prescription to antidepressants.

This is not how I imagined my life. I don't like medications. I don't normally take them. I always believed you could get through things in life without them.

Maybe I was wrong. I feel like I really need the help.

I have been trying to get better by myself and it worked for a while, but now…


Saturday, September 9, 2017

It’s Just Coffee

I got a call from my friend Brian. Remember him, the baseball player? We spent quite a bit of time talking. It was nice to be able to talk to him again.

I had forgotten how much fun we had together while I was doing the research for my book.

We caught up a little more since we ran into each other at the restaurant a few weeks ago.

He said he had wanted to ask me out on a date back then, but he just didn't have the courage.

I told him I wasn't dating. I am not one of those girls who has time for a relationship right now.

It has been a while since I have laughed. He is really funny.

I guess he found his courage and asked me out for coffee.

I said yes.

It's just coffee right?


Saturday, September 2, 2017

Reality or Delusion

Ok, I can see now this medication is not helping me.

The doctor has agreed to take me off of the medicine for now.

My mind is cluttered. My focus is diminished.

My life is spinning out of control.

My sleep is irregular at best.

My friend and I are trying to work out our differences.

I have got to pull myself out of this mess.