Saturday, November 25, 2017


Alone at night, missing my childhood home,

A child’s memory of her mother.

Distinct memories of smelling baked pie,

The warmth of her love enduring through time.

What will I do without her beating heart?

My days are void of thought or conclusion.

Father will be destroyed, full of despair.

His breath is combined with hers, now left null.

An animal caught in a snare, broken.

Surrendered to what may come, left wounded.

She struggles to set herself free and tears,

Eventually she lies down and twists.

She breaks free with an unknown destiny…

And strives to mend what time alone could heal.


Saturday, November 18, 2017


Danika has been constantly asking me to go speak with one of the pastors from our Bible study. So I finally give in.

He prays for me and my mom as I sit quietly listening. At least, I am trying to listen. My mind continually turns to other thoughts.

He speaks about how God has a plan, that there is purpose in a person’s life. I hear him speaking about the missions trip we went on, but all I can think about is all the things I missed and didn’t get to see while we were in N.Y.

Don’t get me wrong, helping other people is great. It’s just that there was so much I could have seen and done there, but none of it was possible this summer. I daydream of when I can go back to N.Y. and be a tourist. So many magical places!

This just isn’t working. Counseling is not for me.

Danika is hurt, and I still feel lost! I don’t know what to try next.


Saturday, November 11, 2017

Decisions, Decisions

So I had made a decision to be done with medications, right? But since then, I’ve been thinking that maybe I was wrong. I may have been too quick to judge. Well, that’s what I mentioned to Danika, but I wasn’t expecting her to be so opinionated about my own personal decision.

She began to lecture me on all the possible outcomes of going back on the medication, as if I didn’t already know! I’m starting to think that maybe this isn’t something medication can fix?

I miss home. I miss my parents.
I miss who I was and who I was to become.

My future was predestined. An author was who I was to be. I feel as if I now have to struggle just to be a student or daughter.

Life was never supposed to be this difficult. I want to go home for Thanksgiving, but this time I just can’t.

I miss the way my life used to be.


Saturday, November 4, 2017


I went through some of my old posts on my blog, back when I first had this idea to share my fantastical writings.

I wanted to be able to share ideas with like-minded people. I know I am not the only one who loves a great fantasy story!

At that time, James would come to my mind often. The thought of him still continues, but he eludes me to this day.

The Refraction was real! He was sooo vivid, stirring my emotions from within. As impossible as it sounds, I sensed a connection to something much bigger.

James? Where are you?