This Can’t Be Happening Again...

I had just hung up the phone with Dad, he had called to tell me the news about Mom.  His voice had been strained, like he had been crying, I could tell.  He got just enough of the words out for me to understand what he was trying to tell me, “Mom’s tests...”  

I cannot put into words the pain and heartache I felt for him and Mom just then.  My heart began to race, so many thoughts and emotions swirling in my mind and body.  I must sit down, I thought to myself.    

Dad said Mom is exhausted and she is resting comfortably now. The doctor has prescribed her some medication to help her sleep.  He told me there were many decisions that needed to be made and asked if I could come home again during Spring Break?    

“Yes, of course Dad!”  I replied back to him.   

I don’t know what to think, or feel or do! I was so sure my Mom was going to be okay after the last tests were done. I don’t have many answers right now.  Dad says it’s breast cancer and Mom has a few options, if you can call them that! Basically, at this point, I wish I hadn’t picked up the phone.  I know that may sound terrible to some people, but I really just wish I hadn’t picked it up, like somehow I could have stopped this all from happening if I hadn’t.  I wish I were anywhere but where I am right now.  

Danika had to work late and I am all alone.  I don’t know where I can go.  I don’t know who I can talk to.  I wish Danika were here.  I wish I could be back at home right now with Mom and Dad.  

This can’t be happening again. 

Wasn’t once enough?  

.Lily