One More Time

He is so easy to talk to. Genuinely, one of the good guys. He still has great compassion for the youth in our community, and he continues to mentor them.

Seems to me his life is going very well now. I can't help but be happy for him.

We had a great coffee date... well, that's how he put it, anyway. A date...
My first real date...

I told him I was sorry, but I had to leave. I had another doctor’s appointment. He said he would give me a call. I told him I would like that very much.

When leaving the doctor's office this time, she changed my prescription to antidepressants.

This is not how I imagined my life. I don't like medications. I don't normally take them. I always believed you could get through things in life without them.

Maybe I was wrong. I feel like I really need the help.

I have been trying to get better by myself and it worked for a while, but now…

.Lily

It’s Just Coffee

I got a call from my friend Brian. Remember him, the baseball player? We spent quite a bit of time talking. It was nice to be able to talk to him again.

I had forgotten how much fun we had together while I was doing the research for my book.

We caught up a little more since we ran into each other at the restaurant a few weeks ago.

He said he had wanted to ask me out on a date back then, but he just didn't have the courage.

I told him I wasn't dating. I am not one of those girls who has time for a relationship right now.

It has been a while since I have laughed. He is really funny.

I guess he found his courage and asked me out for coffee.

I said yes.

It's just coffee right?


.Lily

Reality or Delusion

Ok, I can see now this medication is not helping me.

The doctor has agreed to take me off of the medicine for now.

My mind is cluttered. My focus is diminished.

My life is spinning out of control.

My sleep is irregular at best.

My friend and I are trying to work out our differences.

I have got to pull myself out of this mess.


.Lily

Dream Journal

I am in the library. My head is spinning from gazing upon what must be thousands of books.

There is an older gentleman who moves forward towards me. He smiles as if he knows me.

"Do I know you?" I ask him.

"Yes, yes you do!" he replies. It is funny how I can hear him speak, but his lips aren’t moving.

I am awakened.

Who is he? How do we know each other?
Every time I have remembered my dreams I have been alone.
Has he been there with me all along?

.Lily

Another Fight

Danika and I are at odds with one another, again. I felt it was time we sat down together. To explain to her how I really have been feeling lately.

I feel the strain on our friendship, but we also live together so it makes this situation even harder. We struggle to speak, and I can see the disappointment in her eyes.

I have so much going on in my life right now, and she knows all of this.

I was once perfect, but now I am breaking ever so slowly.

.Lily

Small Groups

Danika manages to drag me to another small group study. I go just to appease her.

Somehow she has her life together, and I don't. I had my whole life planned out. Every year, goals were set and met. Accomplished.

This year has seen its ups and downs. The people at these meetings do not know how I feel. They don't care about me. They don't even know me.

I am not Danika. I am Lily.


.Lily

Mixed Up Emotions

Mom calls, and she has excitement in her voice! Good news! A new medicine! A trial, of course, but certainly worth a shot, according to Mom!

I had my first fight with Danika, at the end of party of all places! Everything was great until some guy offered me a drink. Danika is not my mother, and I am not a child.

For the first time, I could breathe, and my mind wasn't flooded with doubt and darkness.

I liked the drink; it was sweet. Danika tried to take it out of my hands and ended up spilling it all over herself. She then tried to get me to leave the party, but I was finally having fun and I wasn't about to stop.

I haven't spoken to her yet, but I am going out again tonight with some new friends.


.Lily